It’s Me, Hi. I’m the Seasonal Mood Swing, It’s Me.

Maybe it’s the changing light. Maybe it’s the fact that somehow 10+ months of this year are already done and dusted. Maybe it's because I'm getting less vitamin D. Maybe it's because I'm coming down from my dopamine-laced Taylor Swift album release high. All I know is that one moment, I am feeling bright, breezy, and alive. The next, I feel stormy, sad, and sort of violent. I walk out the front door feeling grateful for the cool wind that justifies the wearing of a light sweatshirt, until five minutes later when I am peeling it off of my internally boiling skin in a fit of rage.

I'm October, personified, I guess. Or something.

Whatever it is, I’ve been feeling a strange mix of nostalgia, impatience, irritation, and inertia. A kind of emotional jet lag — like my body and brain aren’t fully in the same season yet.

I keep telling myself to focus, to push through. But, should I be? I know enough (intellectually and thru lived experiences) that these lulls tend to show up right before something shifts. They’re uncomfortable, yes — but they’re also instructive. And, if I just slow down and listen to myself and the universe, I'll learn something quite useful.

The thought of that, though? Ugh. No thanks.

Maybe I'm just growing weary of push-through culture. The forever rushing the finish line. The stigma attached to slow-down seasons. The need to hustle or die. Blah blah blah.

Regardless - this week - I find myself too annoyed at the prospect of pushing through in anticipation of landing on some revelatory self-realization. Of needing to wait, observe, and learn. Haven't I done enough of that? I just don't wanna. I feel outright petulant. Honestly, I'm no better than my 6-year-old daughter when she tells me she simply doesn't want to stop making friendship bracelets. Nor am I feeling any less unhinged than my 10-year-old son when he falls to the floor crying when I tell him he needs to take a shower after school (every.single.day.like.it.is.a.surprise.com but he has to because preteenboysaregross.net).

So yeah — maybe it is what it is. Maybe I’m just October right now: equal parts spiced gratitude and feral gremlin energy. Maybe I don’t need to learn from it; maybe I just need to sit in it. Sweatshirt on, sweatshirt off.

But here’s the twist that hit me mid-rant: this in-between feeling isn’t just personal. It’s cultural. It’s organizational. It's universal. Leaders, teams, brands, entire companies go through Octobers, too - when they hit that restless period between what’s ending and what’s next. They experience the same emotional jet lag I am feeling, and try to rush through ambiguity instead of acknowledging it. We've all been part of that collective experience at some point - and it IS a moody AF environment.

And maybe that’s the real lesson hiding in my moody season: not every chapter needs a breakthrough. Some are just meant to be felt — awkwardly, inconsistently, honestly — until clarity decides to arrive. "You grow through what you go through" is one of the most obnoxiously accurate but infuriating to hear pearls of wisdom. So, I bestow it upon you now, as I feel it is applicable.

Maybe we don't have to push through. Just existing through is enough - just as you are; in all your mercurial glory. I mean, don't we all get there in the end anyway? Wherever there is. We might as well not strain along the way.

My professional advice: Be like a tree in October — when in doubt, just leaf.